My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I want to walk on stilts...naked
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
