i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
