After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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