worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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