i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
