So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
