whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
