It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
