You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
