My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
