you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
