HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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