What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
