By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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