i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
