i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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