I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
