its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
