I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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