how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
