get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
