he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
