I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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