Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
