Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
