My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
