I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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