Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
