we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just want to make out with him forever
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
