the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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