one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Gay?
German.
Pity.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
