how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
