I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
