WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
