what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
