Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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