You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
