i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
