I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
