I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
