Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
a search helicopter?!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
