After last night, I could never be a politician.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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