The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
