I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
