I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
