they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
