You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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