ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
