Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i will never coherently bang her
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
