just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
